I think that we can all agree that today’s high class society has become all commercial. Everywhere you look, you see things in the media about the newest technology or the latest style. There is absolutely nothing anymore in the world that are priceless that people care about anymore! But I think that the one thing that will always stay priceless, that has in the past and always will be, are memories. They are made everyday, no matter how important you intend for them to be. Some you forget within a matter of hours, some stay a little longer as time goes on. And then there are those you never forget. You can still feel the feelings you have when it happened, and you remember everyone around you, the sights, the sounds, and what happened. I believe that these are the best things of value a person could have. I fortunately have found multiple things that I believe are of true, priceless value in my life, and I of course have some that are of a priced value.
Picture my most valued moment; this event has happened many times before and will happen again in the near future. You enter an see probably the most ugliest carpeting ever-a bright blue! But we have gotten to know it very well, and it has helped us whenever we needed it. It’s the mat. As we spend the last few seconds putting another can of hairspray to our perfectly curled hair, and caking on that last bit of make up to make us truly look like Barbies-we know we are ready. We huddle up, and our captains, sometimes it was me, that gave a speech. "We’ve got this ladies. Everything we’ve been working for has lead up to this moment!" it usually goes. We all put our hands in, say our team, name, and run onto the mat as the DJ introduces us; "Please welcome your South Hadley High School Tiger cheerleaders!" The crowd roars and we jump up and down as we cheer our teams name. Then starts the adrenaline rush-I breathe in one last breath before the tweaked and remixed music starts to echo and vibrate the gym. "Relax," I say to myself," It’s just another practice." But the truth is it’s not. I see the 2-foot-high trophies standing taller than the Eiffel Tower sitting on the judges Table. I see our coach at the back of the gym, trying to see what her and the other five coaches have been putting us girls to work for the past few months will finally pay off. "You may begin when you are ready," says the DJ. And then it starts. This is a cheerleading competition, and this is what these girls live for.
It’s early in the morning. My hair has just been fried into oblivion by my straightener, I’ve been dressed, I have my backpack packed, and I’m thinking I’m missing something. I remember that I have no jewelry on! I go to my box, put on some simple diamond earrings, and a bracelet on each wrist. Then I carefully take my most treasured item and start to lay it on my neck.. I look at it’s little heart, and the silver loop that the small bar will fit through to fasten it together. I run my thumb across the heart it make it a little shinier. I See the words "Tiffany & Co." written across it, and I know that since it is a real genuine Tiffany necklace, that it is truly a priced item! I remember the Christmas I had gotten it from a relative at her annual Christmas party. I always loved her gifts most of all, because they were almost always designer jewelry that sparkled and shined in their boxes. I pulled it out and thought it was the most beauteous thing I had ever seen! I knew I would treasure this necklace for a long time, I knew it would be one of those things tat I would leave to my grand-daughter in my will! But for now, I know it as my favorite accessory that I love, and will always keep close to my heart.
These two valuable item may seem different for obvious reasons. Like maybe because one’s a very expensive silver necklace, and one’s a competitive event. Fashion and designer things are important to me because I think it will be the field I major in after high school and college, so I want to get very familiar with it now so that I’m ready for it to be career. I’ve been to Paris a few times and I’ve visited many other fashion institutes in the past, and it’s something that really interests me. The necklace, I think, really connects me to the world of fashion and can help be learn to be creative, and to want to learn new things in that field. And cheerleading is what I live for! I eat, sleep, and breathe it pretty much! When I’m not practicing 9 hours a week, it’s all we talk about in my group of friends! It’s much harder than it looks, and I know that some people argue it even being considered a sport. But consider this-football players lift weights-we lift people! :)
But the again, these two items could be very similar if you look at it the right way. My feelings towards these two values are very similar. I believe that both things have very important roles in my life, wether they are of priced value or if they’re of no value what so ever. What really matters is what’s important to you, and how you decide you want to express yourself through things that make you happy. Wether you’re doing the thing you love, or looking at it right now, everything could be of value if you really want it to be.
4 comments:
hey jess, nicee first draft!!! just to remind you... proofreading is crucial,and there were a couple places that might have used a comma to clarify the sentence, but otherwise, loved itt!
The author of this value essay seems to be saying that the things she values most are very important aspects to her life. They both have an extremely high value even if one of them is priceless. She values most cheerleading and her favorite necklace (which I know for a fact she wears almost EVERY day, considering that she's my best friend and all...:)). She strongly values these because the nacklace "connects her to fashion" and she wants to be involved with fashion for a career.
I really liked the way that the author described her priceless moment. If you had never seen this happen before or knew nothing whatsoever about cheerleading, i think you could envision it almost perfectly from the description she gives. "As we spend the last few seconds putting another can of hairspray to our perfectly curled hair, and caking on that last bit of make up to make us truly look like Barbies-we know we are ready." I think this was one of the best sentences in her essay because you can picture all of the cheerleaders, looking almost fake, covered in makeup, but having the time of their lives.
I think that one of the biggest strengths about this essay was her word choice and description. She used a lot of adjectives which gives the audience a better sense about of everything being described.
I would advise the author to more carefully proofread her essay.
I think that jess is trying to say that the values that she value are very very important to her. They are a part of her. Without them, she wouldn’t be complete. I think that jess values both of her items a lot, but if i had to pick one that i think she values more i would have to say cheerleading. Cheerleading i think she will be able to value and have more and longer then she will with her necklace.
I really liked how jess described her cheerleading. I really could feel the feeling she felt when she made her way onto that mat. She says that her excitement was rising and that she had to keep telling herself it was just another practice, and this put a really clear picture in my mind. I could see her breathing in and out and trying to calm herself down, and then relaxing when the music starts up.
Jess's essays strengths were that she used great description and imagery. You can really tell in the story when she is using it and using it well. " Caking on the last bit of makeup", when jess says this in her essay i could really picture it because of the imagery she put into the sentence. I can picture a whole bunch of cheerleaders, including her, putting a whole bunch of make-up on in the mirror and layering it up like 50 times, just to make sure they look good. By jess using great description and imagery, it really made her essay worth reading.
The only advice that i can give you on this essay is to PROOF READ!!! proof reading works wonders! You did such a great job with everything else and it was such a good essay to read. You just need to add a couple comas here, a couple commas there, and maybe a couple spelling mistakes here and there. I really enjoyed reading this essay though. Good job =)
At the begining of your necklace story, it was a little unclear. The moment you started talking about the necklace, I instatnly knew what it was about. I don't think you need to change much of anything there, I just wanted to point it out. I liked your cheerleading competition story. It made me feel excited!
I think that the cheerleading competition had the most imagery. I think that the necklace story was more descriptive. Maybe if you went more in depth about the cheerleading competition, it would be twice as good.
The introduction was really good. It really made me think, which it should. For example, this line was a bit mind boggling, but competely true: "But I think that the one thing that will always stay priceless, that has in the past and always will be, are memories."
Your essay is so good, I don't know what to tell you to change. The only thing I noticed were some spelling mistakes, but that's it. I really liked your essay!
Post a Comment