It was almost 1:30 in the morning, and I was sitting on my bed, with my iPod playing in the background and my laptop in front of me, it was a Friday night spent at home. Sleep at this time was out of the question, because there was something else going on that was bothering me. My boyfriend, Nick, and his friends were all hanging out. Him and our friend Stephen had broken into Stephens parent's liquor cabinet in his house. They started drinking as a way to "unwind" after a long week apparently. I didn’t really care before that any of them drank, except for Nick. He had a little history of avarice for liquor, and it always seemed to affect me. It got so out of hand once, he actually ended up walking to my house, while he was intoxicated, at 3 in the morning while some of my friends were over. What made it worse was that he didn’t even remember it the next morning. Though he never physically hurt me, drunk or sober, I couldn't help but think that it could be a possibility one day.
My phone had been going off all night with texts from him and with text from his friend, Stephen. Stephen claimed that he hadn't had an much to drink as the others, and he was telling me of how crazy Nick was acting at that moment. He told me Nick fell down almost every time he tried to stand, and I took notice to all of the typos in his texts. I asked Nick how hammered he was, he claimed that it hadn’t hit him yet, which I knew was completely untrue. Out of the blue my phone rang. Nick said there was something wrong with his phone and he couldn't see the screen on his phone anymore. This was when I started to get mad.
“Hello?” I said, even though I knew it was him.
“Hellooooooooo!” he replied with a bit of insanity to his voice. I just rolled my eyes.
“How much have you had?” I asked him, afraid to hear the answer.
“Hmm….” He thought for a few seconds, “I had one…two…six…ten drinks!” he said with prattle.
"Ten drinks of what?” I asked sternly.
“Everything I could get!”
“Oh God, Nick!” I said with disgust. I totally abhorred him at this moment. I could not believe he would let himself do something like that to himself. But before I could upbraid him for his bad decision, he started to speak again.
“No babe….just listen to me!” He mumbled. I figured that I would listen to him, since that was all I could do to help him. “I’ve been thinking. I love you sooo much, and I just know….” He had managed to say.
“You just know what?” I asked, urging him to continue.
“That I never want to let you go! I want to be with you forever!” he said.
“What!?” I asked with disbelief.
“I mean it, I really do! I never want to left you go…” he repeated. He had kept going, but I tuned him out.
I had a countenance of shock, disgust and annoyance all at the same time. I could not believe what I was hearing! I was so mad at him for ever wanting to drink in the first place, let alone calling me while he was this drunk! I was starting to think that he would do something stupid being this intoxicated, and the last thing I wanted was for something bad to happen to him. While Nick was going on with his drunken “I love you” speech, I sent a text to Stephen.
“makee him go 2 bedd. he needs 2 sleep itt off” I typed to him. I returned the phone to my ear, but Nick had already hung up. I roughly cast my phone onto my bed out of anger after I hung up. As I waited for Stephen's reply, I stopped feeling bad for Nick, and a huge wave of anger came over me.
A whole ten minutes later, I finally got a response from Stephen.
“hes gone. he got in his car saying how he needed to see you and he just left”
My stomach dropped. My parents and my little sister were home, there was no way I was going to let him even come near my house in his inept state! I was not sure what to do. Everything was getting so complicated, and the whole situation was graver than I ever thought it could be. I didn’t know if I should wake up my parents to warn them, if I should lock my door and ignore him, or if I should drive him back to Stephen’s house. My head was rushing with thoughts, almost as if I were running out of time to think of something to do.
But he never came. I waited for a half an hour. I kept looking out my front window, but there was absolutely no one on my street. There was a compunction coming over me, and I just knew something was wrong. To this day, I still don’t know why I had this feeling, but the only thing I do know is that it is not a good feeling to know that someone you could possibly love is in danger. Almost without instinct, I quietly ran out of my house, got in my car, and started driving in the direction to Stephen’s house. I knew I would see Nick somewhere, whether he was walking or driving. I turned my high beams, looking everywhere around me. I was aloof to everything around me; I was looking for him, and only him. As I started to turn off of my street, I saw steam around the corner. My heart stopped beating, I stopped breathing, I felt frozen where I was. But then the next thing I knew, I was out of my car and walking towards the mangled tree.
And there was his car, crushed into total oblivion. Every piece of glass from the car was shattered and laying in pieces on the ground. It crunched and shattered into even more oblivion as I ran to the driver’s seat window. I almost could not bring myself to do it, but I looked inside. And I saw him; this smart, funny, amicable, handsome, young man, slumped over the steering wheel, pinioned in his mangled car. A cut on his head leaked blood down his lifeless face. A rush of emotions ran through me. I started to scream. I yelled at him.
"Get out of the car! Nick common! You need to wake up" I tugged at the door opener, but it was not budging. I reached my hand through the broken window, cutting my hand in the process. I touched his cold face. I grabbed onto his torn and bloody shirt, trying to lift him out of the car. But he was trapped inside, and there was no way I was going to get him out; Dead or alive.
I fell to the ground. banged my fists in the glass-covered pavement. I blamed Stephen for letting him leave, and for serving him the booze. I blamed Nick, for ever turning to the bottle, for getting into the car, and for ever meeting me. I blamed myself the most. If he had never known me, he would not have gotten into that car to come see me, and he would still be alive. The reasons why he was dead were so paltry, it seemed like nothing would ever make the sudden pain I had in me any go away.
But then I saw who the real enemy was, who was truly at fault; the alcohol. I feel so useless because there is really nothing I can ever do to prevent what happened to Nick from happening again. As a matter of fact, others died the same night as Nick from drunk driving related accidents. I only wait, and hope that maybe someday, someone can learn to be smart, to make good decisions, and to look after the ones you love. And all I can do it mourn the one I lost, and hope that this horrible event will cease.
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Vocabulary Used in Short Story
Avarice (noun): greed
Nick’s avarice for drinking led him to make the bad decision in the aftermath of the alcohol.
Prattle (noun): meaningless, foolish talk
The narrator took notice to Nick’s prattle while he talked, as an effect of the alcohol.
Abhor (verb): to loathe or detest
The narrator had a strong abhor for Nick when she had found out he had been drinking heavily.
Upbraid (verb): to scold or criticize.
After the narrator had found out about Nick’s intoxication, she wanted to upbraid him for drinking that much.
Countenance (noun): expression
The narrator’s countenance was of “shock, disgust, and annoyance” when she was hearing what Nick was saying to her on the phone.
Cast (verb): to throw or discard
The narrator angrily cast her phone onto her bed out of frustration from Nick.
Grave (adjective): serious
The narrator realized the situation had become extremely grave when she learned that Nick was on his way to her house in the middle of the night.
Inept (adjective): clumsy/awkward
The narrator did not want Nick coming to her home, because he was in such a drunken and inept state.
Compunction (noun): an uneasy/anxious feeling
The narrator had a compunction come over her. She had a feeling that something bad happened to Nick, so she left her house to go find him.
Aloof (adjective): to not care
The narrator was aloof to everything around her as she was looking for Nick, because she knew he was the only important thing at that moment.
Amicable (adjective): friendly or agreeable
When the narrator was taking the time to remember Nick as a person, she described him as amicable.
Pinioned (adjective): confined or held down
Pinioned is how the narrator described the scene of Nick’s body when she found him confined in his car.
Paltry (adjective): small or worthless
The narrator thought that Nick’s dead was because of something so paltry, and it was something that could have totally been avoided.
1.) I wrote this short story with the intentions that readers will start to be aware of the dangers of alcohol, and what can happen when you make bad decisions while under the influence of it. I think that especially in high school, people are experimenting with many types of drugs, including alcohol, and the majority of those that consume it overlook all of its side effects. I want to show my readers what the worst possible side of drunk driving can do to a person, and to show that it still happens, and it happens everyday!
2.) I think that writing the dialog in the story was very easy for me. A very similar event happened to me a few days before I wrote the story, so I think writing about tre events makes writing easier. Though the drunk driving part was fictional, I knew exactly what to write about, prior to that part in the story.
3.)I think that the weakest area in my paper may be the ending. I had a lot of trouble trying to wrap the story up, and after something very important happened just moments before in the story, and I couldn't really think of a truly good way to end the story right then and there. I think that when I go back and write my final draft, I will try to make that part stronger.
4.) I will take any feedback I can get. I really want to write a good short story, and I think that if I get as much advice as i can on it, that will just make the paper that much stronger. So anything that readers notice that could be better, just tell me! (:
Short Story Relflection
1.) The greatest change I made was in the end when my narrator discovers her boyfriends, Nick, after his car accident. I added a lot of dialogue and more description during this scene, and I also changed my very ending. All of these changes were things I made different from my 1st draft.
2.) The peer editing guide was definately very helpful. I thought that the guide was very specific, and it talked about almost every aspect to a short story, and I knew exactly what I needed to do when I wrote my final draft. I also thought that it helped me to realize what readers got out of my story when they read it, which is very important to me.
3.) I believe that my greatest strength is my plot line. Some of the events that happen in my story are true, nso I found it easy to think of a good and exciting plot line. I also wnated to write about a very common event in the US, but it is something that is overlooked by people. I wanted to raise some awareness of drunk driving, while telling my story.
4.) I think that next years students shouldn't worry abou this assignment at al. Although it seems like a big assignment, once you get yourself started and have a good topic to talk about, it will all flow together. Also, be sure that the stry element are well defined, and that you have a good conflict, and lots of description. With all of this, you will do fine! =)
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